Amy: Hello everyone, and welcome to Geek Speak Magazine’s Eye on the Spy series. Tonight we’ll be speaking to secret agent Maxwell Smart, star of the hit TV series Get Smart. Mr Smart (also known as Agent 86) works for the CONTROL secret government counter-intelligence agency, and is dedicated to disrupting the plans of KAOS (the international organisation of evil). I would like to thank the Chief of CONTROL for letting us into headquarters to meet with Mr Smart.

Chief: You’re most welcome.

Amy: Thank you Chief. Um... am I early? Agent 86 doesn’t appear to be here. Unless... is he hiding somewhere in this room?

Chief: No, no. Agent 38 is our master of disguise. Max is... well... sometimes it can be hard to attract his attention. I’ll give him a call.
*He picks up the phone on his desk and dials a number*

Chief: Max? Where are you? What do you mean you’re in the lab? We’ve got the reviewer from Geek Speak Magazine up here to talk to you.

*Is getting frustrated*

I don’t care if Carlson’s showing you the next generation shoe-phone, get over here right now or I’ll....

*A massive BOOM is heard through the phone receiver*

Amy: *Looks startled* He blew up his shoe-phone? How did that happen?

Chief: *Sighs* With Max, it’s better not to ask.

*The door to the office opens to admit agent Maxwell Smart. He is dressed in a black suit which seems to be smoldering around the edges, and giving off wisps of chemical-smelling smoke.*

Max: Sorry Chief. There was a bit of a problem with...

Chief: Never mind that Max. This is Amy, the reviewer I was telling you about.

Amy: Nice to meet you Mr Smart.

Max: Call me Agent 86.

Amy: Alright Agent 86, I was wondering I could start by asking...

Max: Wait a minute! Chief?

Chief: Yes Max?

Max: Shouldn’t we be doing this interview in the Cone of Silence?

Chief: *Sighs* Max this isn’t a security briefing. Amy will be publishing this interview in the magazine. There’s no reason to...

Max: *Hits a button on the desktop intercom* Larabee! Lower the Cone of Silence!

Chief: Max, this really isn’t necessary. Amy, I apologi...

*The Chief’s words are cut off by a loud whirring noise as a machine descends from the ceiling. The device is made of clear plastic in the shape of a large rectangular box connected to two half-circles that cover Amy and Max.*

Amy: Okay. So Agent 86, how would you describe your role at CONTROL?

Max: *Mumble mumble mumble*

Amy: Sorry, I didn’t hear that?

Max: *Mumble*

Amy: WHAT?

Max: *MUMBLE!!*

Chief: Oh this is ridiculous. *Pushes a button and the Cone rises into the ceiling* Sorry about that. Please continue

Amy: *Breathes a sigh of relief* Agent 86. How would you describe your role at CONTROL?

Max: Well as you know I’m one of CONTROL’s top secret agents. When KAOS rears its ugly head, I’m the one they call to stop it. I’m a master of martial arts, my marksmanship is impeccable and I always complete my missions. Okay sometimes things don’t work out as planned – but I’m great at improvisation.

Chief: *Rolls his eyes*

Amy: These missions of yours, are they dangerous?

Max: Of course they are! That’s why I’m so important to the organization. I laugh in the face of danger.

Amy: Really?

Max: Um...would you believe that I giggle in the face of danger?

*Silence*

Would you believe a smile?

*More silence*

How about a self-satisfied smirk?

Amy: Moving right along. Despite your witty dialogue, I’ve heard you described as clumsy, naive and completely incompetent. Why would people say that about you?

Max: What!? Who’s been spreading those awful lies?

*Amy shoots a quick glance at the Chief who looks uncomfortable*

Max: Well okay, there was the time when I ran the car into a tree. And the time I accidentally stumbled into Larabee and pushed him off the roof. And the time...

Chief: Maybe we should change the subject?

Amy: Um... right. Agent 86, what is the nature of your relationship with Agent 99?

Max: Oh she’s a great sidekick -- always getting into trouble though. I’ve had to save her life several times which is why she keeps getting assigned to me. She’s really hot too, which makes life a whole lot easier.

Amy: And would you be able to tell me her real name?

Max: No.

Amy: Why, is it classified?

Max: Oh no, it’s just that no-one here has a clue what it is.

Amy: Finally, what are your plans for the future?

Max: Oh, I’ll probably keep going on saving the world from KAOS for a
while. I did apply to become Chief of CONTROL a while back but that didn’t work out.

Amy: What happened?

Max: I missed it by THAT much!

Amy: Well that’s all we have time for tonight. I’d like to thank Maxwell Smart and The Chief for being part of this interview. Next week on Eye on the Spy we’ll be talking to Burn Notice’s Michael Westen about his addiction to yoghurt. See you then!

   -- Amy Gordon