In honor of this month’s “In the Stacks” book review theme, we hereby celebrate 13 of the ass-kickingest women ever to kick ass across the printed page. Our selection criteria were simple: The women in question needed to appear in book form before they appeared anyplace else -- yes, Leia Organa rocks the house in all those Star Wars novelizations, but she was in the movies first, so…DISqualified! -- and we had to like them a lot. That’s all.

Unfortunately, 13 is not that big a number, so a lot of worthies were left out. If our incomprehensible and unjustifiable omission of Kerowyn/Daenerys/Diamond Mask/Paksenarrion/Lyra/Irulan/Miri/Dianora/etc. makes you sad, by all means drop us a line and tell us about it, but know that we love them, too. We just ran out of space.

And finally, to those of you troubled by the complete lack of any comic book, graphic novel, or manga characters on this list: Take heart! A Top 13 Genre Heroines, Comics Division is planned for a future issue of Geek Speak… so keep reading!

Our heroines are listed in chronological order.

1. Morgan Le Fay, AKA Morgaine, AHA Morgana, etc.

Read about her in: Just about anything that treats with Arthurian legend, and that’s a lot. Just to skim the surface here, you’ll find her in the Vita Merlini (Geoffrey of Monmouth, c. 1150), if that’s your sort of thing, or Le Morte d’Arthur (Sir Thomas Malory, 1485), or Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (unknown author, 14th century). More recently she turns up in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court (Mark Twain, 1889), Ink and Steel (Elizabeth Bear, 2008) and, most famously of all, The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley, 1982). There’s more, but that will get you started.

Where she: Aids, guides, and/or thwarts her half-brother King Arthur and his knights, depending on the tradition and the tale.

Why we love her: There are as many Morgans as there are Arthurian tales -- sometimes good, sometimes evil, often enigmatic, never boring. She’s a feminist favorite, representing female power, sexuality, and spirituality with a Celtic twist; indeed, her name is etymologically related to that of the Morrigan, a Celtic triple goddess who reclaimed men’s souls after they died in battle. Plus, she actually has an atmospheric phenomenon named after her, the rare mirage known as the Fata Morgana. And how many literary characters can say that?

Who else loves her? Depends on what you’re reading. Traditionally, she’s married to King Uriens, who adores her but is too old to keep up with her, so she hooks up with one Accolon of Gaul (Uriens’ son, in at least some retellings). That ends about as well as you would expect it to. In the Vulgate Cycle [c. 1215-c.1235], Morgan has an affair with Guinevere’s cousin, Guiomar; this also ends badly for all concerned (particularly for Guinevere: Morgan retaliates for Guinevere’s interference by ratting out Guinevere and Lancelot’s liaison). Also, in some but not all versions of the Arthur legend, Morgan and Arthur are the parents of the evil Mordred… did we mention up above that Arthur is her half-brother? Yeah, thought so.

On screen: How much time do you have here? Morgan has appeared on screen countless times since the early 1920s and has been portrayed by Helena Bonham Carter, Joanna Lumley, Catherine Oxenberg, Jean Marsh, Helen Mirren, Candice Bergen, and Myrna Loy, among many, many others. A filmed version of The Mists of Avalon appeared on television in 2001, starring Julianna Margulies as the adult Morgaine and Tamsin Egerton as her younger counterpart. Morgan has also popped up in some of the last places in episodic television that you’d expect, including Stargate SG-1 (where she is an Ascended Ancient, naturally), Batman: The Brave and the Bold, and – um -- MacGyver. Currently, Irish actress Katie McGrath portrays Morgana in the BBC series Merlin, now filming its third season, and Alice Krige plays an evil incarnation in The Sorcerer's Apprentice, now in theaters. Morgan has also been featured in comics galore (she’s a foe of Spiderman) and lots of art, and at least one clothing line is named after her.

The Quote: “For this is the thing the priests do not know, with their One God and their One Truth: that there is no such thing as a true tale. Truth has many faces and the truth is like the old road to Avalon; it depends on your own will, and your own thought, whither the road will take you, and whether, at the end, you arrive in the Holy Isle of Eternity or among priests with their bells and their death and their Satan and their Hell and damnation… but perhaps I am unjust even to them.” (The Mists of Avalon, 1982)

2. The Weird Sisters

Read about them in: Macbeth, William Shakespeare’s celebrated “Scottish play” (1603 or thereabouts).

Where they: Set the entire plot in motion by predicting (correctly) that Macbeth will one day rule Scotland as king.

Why we love them: Okay, so it’s a little strange to admit that we “love” three characters who, whatever else they may be, are certainly not heroines, as the term is generally understood. More than one critic has noted that they represent “darkness, chaos, and conflict.” But you know what else they represent? Power. Consider -- they don’t actually tell Macbeth to do anything; they just sort of hint around and make predictions (which grow increasingly opaque over the course of the play), and they STILL get him to do what they evidently want him to do. And like all of the Bard’s greatest creations, they’re endlessly quotable. Have you ever alluded to “eye of newt and toe of frog?” Maybe chanted “Double, double, toil and trouble/Fire burn and cauldron bubble” while cooking something? (Just us? Okay, then.) Muttered “Something wicked this way comes” upon perceiving the approach of your ex? Congratulations -- you’ve been quoting the Weird Sisters.

Who else loves them? Pretty much no one. Macbeth listens to them, but he’s not happy about it.

On Screen: Macbeth has been filmed 50+ times; that’s over 150 witches to keep track of (no, thanks). Perhaps the best-known rendition is actually a Japanese adaptation, Akira Kurosawa’s 1957 classic Throne of Blood, in which the witches are rolled into a single entity, played by Chieko Naniwa. The witches have also been variously portrayed as hippies, bitchy schoolgirls -- in a 2006 Australian update, starring Sam Worthington as Macbeth -- and corrupt cops, depending on the adaptation in question. A version with the newly-made Sir Patrick Stewart in the title role is currently in production; the actresses portraying the witches -- Sophie Hunter, Polly Frame, and Niamh McGrady -- are not familiar to us, but we’ll bet they had a great time in their respective roles.

The Quote:

The weird sisters, hand in hand,
Posters of the sea and land,
Thus do go about, about:
Thrice to thine and thrice to mine
And thrice again, to make up nine. (Act I, scene iii)

3. Marian Halcombe

Read about her in: The Woman in White (Wilkie Collins, 1860)

Where she: Protects her beloved half-sister, Laura Fairlie, from her (Laura’s) abusive husband and his partner in crime, wicked Count Fosco, until hero and principal narrator Walter Hartright (no, really) can swoop in and save the day.

Why we love her: First of all, we freely admit that The Woman in White qualifies only remotely, if at all, as genre: it does contain strange apparitions and back-from-the-dead and all that good stuff, but all that good stuff ends up having an entirely corporeal, if convoluted and highly implausible, explanation. (This is the case in many of Collins’ novels. Frequently -- although not so much here -- the explanation turns out to involve opium. Imagine that.)

In any event, Marian is pretty clearly the brains of this particular outfit: Laura is a typical helpless Victorian heroine, Walter is a besotted dolt (to be fair, he improves), and Anne Catherick is fey and damaged, so it’s up to Marian, initially, to go toe-to-toe with the bad guys. Also, and importantly, a good chunk of the novel is told through Marian’s diary; she’s given an equal voice to the male narrators -- somewhat unusual for that day and age. Of course, this being 1860, Collins is at pains to emphasize Marian’s masculine appearance, and to have his creation lament at regular intervals that she has had the great misfortune to be born female. Nevertheless, even Collins’ contemporaries recognized Marian’s essential awesomeness. (Poet Edward FitzGerald -- best known as the author of the great love poem The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayam -- even named his yacht after her.) We do, too.

Who else loves her? Marian is devoted to Walter and Laura but remains resolutely single. However, Fosco develops a monster crush on her, and his theatrics when he confesses this (“Youths! I invoke your sympathy. Maidens! I claim your tears.”) are pretty hilarious, in the context of all the chaos he has created.

On Screen: The Woman in White has been brought to the screen several times, most recently in a 1997 BBC production featuring Tara Fitzgerald as Marian (although she is renamed Marian Fairlie there, possibly to avoid confusing the audience). Marian has also been honored with an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical which ran for eighteen months on London's West End and only three on Broadway, with Brit Maria Friedman playing her in both productions.

The Quote: “I started to my feet as suddenly as if he had struck me. If I had been a man, I would have knocked him down on the threshold of his own door, and have left his house, never on any earthly consideration to enter it again. But I was only a woman -- and I loved his wife so dearly!”

4. Alice

Read about her in: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865) and its sequel, Through the Looking-Glass (1871), both by Lewis Carroll

Where she: Has marvelous adventures, too numerous to relate here, after traveling down a rabbit-hole and through a looking-glass.

Why we love her: These weird, surreal tales are actually two of the more influential texts to come out of the Victorian era, inspiring authors such as James Joyce, Vladimir Nabokov, John Crowley, Roger Zelazny, and Neil Gaiman. Alice’s strange story has also influenced a number comics and mangas, as well as television shows and movies from Lost to The Matrix to Spongebob Squarepants to Spirited Away to Pan’s Labyrinth to porn. Fortunately (…er, at least where most of those are concerned), Alice is plucky, resourceful, and brave.

Who else loves her: Umm… her sister? Alice is a little young for the whole romance thing. We almost hesitate to mention that Lewis Carroll, or -- as he was known to his chums, the Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson -- has been rumored to have nursed an unwholesome attraction to little Alice Liddell, on whom his storybook Alice was based. But really, who can know? (We sincerely hope that’s not true, because ick.)

On Screen (and elsewhere!): Alice, like Elvis, is everywhere. She has appeared many, many times on both stage and screen, not to mention in various print formats: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland has been translated into at least 28 languages, including Latin, Hebrew, Hindi, Cornish, and Welsh. A Disney animated version was released in 1951, and Abby in Wonderland, a Sesame Street production featuring the irrepressible Abby Cadabby, went straight to video in 2008. Meryl Streep has portrayed Alice on stage; Kate Beckinsale and Tina Majorino (among others) have appeared as Alice on TV; and most recently, the Tim Burton-helmed Alice in Wonderland, sort of a sequel to these books featuring a young adult Alice, tore up the box office. Up-and-comer Mia Wasikowska starred.

The Quote: “Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin; but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!” (Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland)