|In Short:||The future!|
|LENINA HUXLEY:||[sotto voce] Sanctimonious asshole.|
|MACHINE VOICE:||Lenina Huxley, you are fined one-half credit for a sotto vce violation of the Verbal Morality Statute."|
Let me ask you a question, dear readers. When sorting through all of the different offers for natural sexual enhancement that you receive every day (it is difficult choosing which are best, isn’t it?), while awaiting word that your Western Union money transfer to the Nigerian uncle you didn’t even know you had came through (which will lead to all the money you could ever need, perfect for buying all those natural enhancement products – why choose when you can buy them all?), haven’t you ever wanted to see…the future? Of course you have, as have we all! Well, friends, have I got the perfect deal for you! Act now and you can get yourself your very own copy of Demolition Man for only 17 easy payments of $84.23, and you too can get a vision of the future!
Sure, you say, it looks a little used, being from 1993 and all, but hey! That just means it is well-loved! And at close to 20 years old, it is practically a classic! Where else can you see Sylvester Stallone face off against I-didn’t-know-he-was-actually-a-blackbelt Wesley Snipes, in the future? Where else can you see one of Sandra Bullock’s first starring roles, as a cop obsessed with the 20th century, in the future? Where else can you see a naked Sly Stallone frozen in a giant ice cube, only to be awoken…in the future? Where else can you find a mix of surprising humor and action taking place…in the future?
Okay, I can tell that you are a skeptical customer. You think this is just a standard Sly action movie, yes? What possible humor can there be? Well, let me tell you!
You have the humor inherent in the movie’s take on what the future is like, from the crime-riddled, anarchy-filled, more-than-half-apparently-on-fire version of Los Angeles (all the way in the year…1996!), to the peaceful, calm, joy-joy vision of San Angeles in 2032 where every restaurant is Taco Bell (the only restaurant to survive the franchise wars) and cops need to be instructed by computer how to deal with scornful remarks from criminals – there are plenty of things, both obvious and subtle, to be amused at! This, of course, goes hand-in-hand with the fish-out-of-water aspect to Stallone’s character trying to integrate into this new society!
But you want more, don’t you? You’re in luck, as there is another layer of humor at work here! There are hours of enjoyment to be had from watching all of the older technologies being used to display “futuristic” versions! Marvel at the amazing computer graphics they have in the future! Be astounded at the effective video phones used to communicate!
You want still more? Well, friends, let me tell you, this movie is like an onion! It has layers! Perhaps it is even like a parfait, or an ogre! This movie is still at its heart an 80’s action movie! Who cares if it missed the 80’s by a few years, it still has all of the over-the-top action and plot holes inherent in such movies! You can’t help but be entertained!
Here are two more tidbits in case you still aren’t convinced:
If you are the type to believe in psychic prediction of the future, then you will be happy to learn that the last Murder-Death-Kill (MDK) in the Los Angeles area will take place September 25, 2010…that’s right, as of this writing, only about a month away, and then we can all breathe easy (as long as we don’t defrost and release maniacal murder-death-killers from a cryo-prison, at least)!
And if you are the type to only care about award-winning actors in your movies, then you will be happy to know that this movie is one of the few that feature lead actors (Stallone and Bullock) who won a best acting Oscar (Bullock) or were nominated (Stallone) and worst acting Razzie awards (Bullock for All About Steve, Stallone for Rhinestone, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo III, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! and, well, worst actor of the 80’s and of the century…). With those kinds of credentials, you know this movie is fantastic! How can you say no?!
Purchase now – not only will you laugh and be entertained, but think about it as an investment, in your future!
-- K. Burtt