Dear Geek Gurus,

I met my girlfriend at an anime convention. I was there for work, but when a cute girl in a short skirt came up and started flirting with me, of course I pretended I knew what she was talking about. I was smart enough to say I was only a recent anime convert, and she has since enjoyed educating me on the subject, but it’s now been six months and I have discovered that I really don’t like anime at all. Should I tell her? In all other ways our relationship is solid. Would this kill it?

Sincerely,

Guilty Crown

A:

Was it one of these girls? We get it...

Was it one of these girls? We get it…

Dear Guilty,

We’ve all been there before. An innocent white-lie to get laid, and then six months later it isn’t the one-night stand you thought it would be. First mistake, lying to someone when you knew there was a chance you’d have to talk to them the next day. Rookie…

Were you in a costume? Anything resembling a costume? Because if not, you’re girlfriend should have known you weren’t a recent convert, but some person there to sell subscriptions to Geek Speak Magazine. Or donuts.

You have no choice but to fess up and say something like “I said I was new. What I meant to say is I was at that convention for work, and then I met you, and you were cute, and well, lust makes you do the crazy.” And hope that she is okay with your entire relationship being based on a lie.

Because otherwise your only other option is to go through life pretending to like anime. And you will either succeed, but be forced to be into anime your entire life (think about that) or the other possibility, it will suddenly boil out in an argument “And you know WHAT? I don’t even like anime! So take that tail and shove it!”

Because in the end, to quote Han Solo (again) “Listen, Big Deal. You got another problem. Women always figure out the truth. Always.”

K:

tuxedomask

You’ll have to try a little harder than just Tuxedo Mask…

A makes an excellent point, in that you should always believe Han Solo. Nerf-herders (scruffy-looking or otherwise) are amongst the wisest of sages. But if the thought of coming clean fills you with the kind of dread usually reserved for Star Wars prequels or anything by M. Night Shyamalan, you are in luck! You have an out!

As alluded to by A, your out lies in the wondrous world of cosplay! You must get really into cosplay. Really get into it. If you don’t know how to sew, learn. Get on first name basis with all employees of your local fabric stores. Attend conventions. Make costumes. Make more elaborate costumes. Become an internationally renowned cosplay model.

Once you have accomplished all of that, then you are safe to tell your girlfriend that you don’t care for anime. You have realized that of the plots/characters/animation.. none of it works for you. Nothing but the potential costumes. You made a valiant effort, but you have come to the conclusion that it is all and only about what the characters wear. And for that, you only need to look at posters and screenshots of various new shows. You don’t actually have to watch anime to get inspired.

Now, if you don’t go through all of these steps, though, and just claim you are into cosplay without showing evidence thereof, your girlfriend will know something is up. That won’t end well for you.

But if you do go through those steps, not only will you get out of watching any more anime, you’ll do it whilst also a) keeping your girlfriend, b) knowing you’ve gotten away with the lie that led to the relationship in the first place, and c) even have yourself a new international career! It’s wins all around!

Of course, as A knows, I am slightly biased. Either against coming clean, or for elaborate costumes. Not sure which applies more here.

A:

K, we all know you’re into the costumes. Just own it. And to our dear friend Guilty: there you have it. Come clean or get into cosplay. Your choice.

 


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GEEK GURUS

Our Geek Gurus are the source of all wisdom, the font of all knowledge and the heroes of all Metropolis. No, wait, that last one is Superman. So just the other things.