A collection of various and hilarious shorts about the personal lives of monsters.

“Dear Sir or Madam: I am writing this letter of reference on behalf of Tulpa Snarlgrowl. Although you may know him better as ‘The Abominable Snowman,’ let me begin by assuring you that there is nothing abominable about his work ethic.”

Have you ever wondered how you would approach writing a letter of recommendation for a Yeti, were you asked to do so? Did you ever think about how an immortal undead vampire handles a breakup? Ever wished you knew the proper technique to seduce a Sphinx? Any Sphinx, guaranteed? And who among us couldn’t identify with what the roommate of Dorian Grey must deal with, what with strange paintings taking prominent position in the shared living space?!

Well, my friends, have I got the book for you! Giving you all the insights you’d ever want into the secret world of monsters: Frank Lesser’s Sad Monsters: Growling on the Outside, Crying on the Inside.

Never heard of Frank Lesser? He worked as a writer for The Colbert Report, thus guaranteeing his hilariousness, and yet here he is moonlighting as a… well… a writer, with the first book all his own. And that book takes a look into the lives of famous and not-so-famous monsters, in a variety of methods. We have Igor’s resume. We have excerpts from Godzilla’s diary. We have the owner’s manual for Gremlins. We have a Hollywood screenplay written by zombies. We have the transcript of the court case from the class-action lawsuit following the terror and destruction perpetrated by King Kong. There is quite the selection, both of monsters and of ways to showcase the side we never see.

Heck, we even have a list of unsuccessful monsters, who never made their mark on history like their more famous brethren: monsters such as a Merwolf: “On full moons, this creature transforms into a vicious wolf with the lower body of a fish. On other nights, it is just a regular wolf, furiously dog-paddling in the ocean.”; or Coffin Ghost: “This unambitious ghost haunts the coffin it was buried in.”

Basically, here are the things you need to know about this book:

It is hilarious.

It is clever.

It is witty.

It is the cause of much mirth and jocularity.

It is short.

Yes, alas, while there are quite a few entries in the book (about 40), each is only a few pages long, and the book as whole clocks in at less than 200 pages. Still, will it make you smile? Yes. Will you get a kick out of it? Absolutely. Is it worth reading? Quite. It also makes a fantastic conversation piece, perhaps as a coffee table (albeit a rather small one) book. Or perhaps as a gift. Yes, This book would make an excellent gift, as it will not only make the recipient laugh, it is the type of book that most people wouldn’t buy on their own.

And now all I need to do is find myself a Sphinx and give my newfound skills at try.


Sad Monsters by Frank Lesser
Published by Plume
Release Date: September 27, 2011
Available in Paperback and Kindle editions

About the author

K. BURTT

K. Burtt is Geek Speak Magazine's Associate Editor and resident megalomaniac. In between devising nefarious schemes for world domination, he spends his time reading, gaming, and pretending to be a 14-year-old teenager pretending to be an adult online, because he feels that is an underrepresented group.