The girls have signed up to be Big Sisters to the mischievous Maria, a sly pigtailed minx who introduces herself to the Youth Center by turning off the hot water to the boys shower room. And then about twenty boys trot out of the bathroom clad in towels, because sure, that is totally a rational reaction, and for sure all twenty of them were showering at the same time.

(*Stop thinking about shirtless Zack; stop thinking about shirtless, sweaty, sparring Zach.* Talk to me IMDb. Born 1970? Okay, we’re good.)

“We’re not mad at you,” Trini tells the butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-her-mouth demon child, after rewarding her with an enormous milkshake. “We’ll be your friends no matter what you do,” chimes in Kimberley. And then they promise to take Maria on a picnic, that scamp! Which is lucky for Rita, as she has just discovered the long-lost treasure chest of the Power Eggs – there are Power Eggs, now? Of course there are… – and it will take a child to open it.

So, despite there being a whole town full of children just ready for the abducting — just go hit up the day care center with the new playground equipment, Rita! – the Putty Patrollers interrupt the girls’ picnic (which, bad, yes, but at least they stave off more inappropriately gendered questions like “Who’s the raddest boy in your class?”), and though Kimberly and Trini do their high-kicking, flippy best, Maria is taken.

Now, things get silly. (I know. Now?) From their serene woodland picnicking ground, the girls dash back to the Youth Center to find the boys to help them save her – and who even knows how long that takes – without even attempting to contact Zordon or to teleport there. Sure, it turns out that both communication and teleportation are down just then (they must run on the same servers as Pokémon GO), but the girls have no way of knowing that. WHY DID THEY NOT AT LEAST TRY? Luckily for everyone, tech whiz Billy has been working on a secret supersonic VW Beetle in his garage, and he unconvincingly flies them to the Command Center in it in twenty seconds or less.

Billy is sixteen.

The Rangers report the kidnapping of Maria to Zordon at Twinkle Light Tower, and we learn some millennia-old history about ancient sorcerers known as Morphing Masters, who distilled bunches of their hoodoo inside two Power Eggs, which look like Drogon and Rhaegal may hatch from them at any moment. Turns out only an “innocent child” can open the chest. (Well, that lets Maria out. Too bad, Rita.)

Billy drives rather than flies the supersonic V-Dub to confront Rita’s Minions, because approaching by ground will be “less noticeable,” except for how the car looks exactly like Herbie and a Cyberman procreated. The kids try out a new trick, a kind of cheerleader-y human pyramid that leads to some kind of… glow… thing, and then the fight really kicks off, with Goldar getting assistance from an ineffectual monster called Chunky Chicken. Rita even breaks out her flying tricycle, unseen since the pilot, and comes to Earth, so important are these Power Eggs, and yet they end up dumped in the sea for safety, because that’s where they were kept for ten thousand years, apparently, except not really because Rita found them in a cave, on land, with torches and an altar—basically the kind Indiana Jones would have spelunked in.

Sometimes I think they’re not even trying.

There’s some “Aiyaiyaiyaiyai”-ing from Alpha, and the kids zord-up to rescue Maria. Rita hates them for doing it, and enlarges Chunky Chicken to battle the Megazord, because embiggening a monster to battle their giant robot is always so effective. And a chicken with a pair of pinking shears will for sure be the one to finally manage it.

He’s not.

Back at the Youth Center, we get this April O’Neil-worthy report on the TV news: “This just in, we’ve just gotten word that once again the amazing Power Rangers have saved our fair city and the world from one of Rita Repulsa’s lethal monsters.”

The news knows about Rita Repulsa? Wow. “AND THE WORLD?” Wow. Just… wow.

Then, to conclude, since Bulk and Skull have been neither in nor humiliated so far this episode, a bowl of veggie chilli gets spilled all over Bulk’s head when he is sitting minding his own business. Karmic payback for last ep’s food fight or just plain bad luck? And why do I even care?

NEXT TIME: Billy has a Mini-Me!

Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers
“Big Sisters” (S01E07)
Written by Gary Glasberg & Shuki Levy | Directed by Jeff Reiner
September 30, 1993 | Fox Kids

About the author

RACHEL HYLAND

Rachel Hyland is Editor-in-Chief of Geek Speak Magazine and, she is pretty sure, the one true queen of Fantastica, raised in obscurity to protect her from the dark lord Sinisterium. If you see her magic sword, get in touch via twitter: @rachyland or Instagram: @rachelseesdeadpeople. The fate of the many worlds may just depend upon it.